I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
