My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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