I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
