I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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