the condom got lost in my hair
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
