Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
