I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
