I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
