i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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