I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My ass is underappreciated
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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