That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
