respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
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Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
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I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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