I hate your face
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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