I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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