The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
