Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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