so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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