Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I have already put on my inside pants.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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