This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
