i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I cockslap morals
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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