My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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