I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
