In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
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Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
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wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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