but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
