Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
