The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
