it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
