You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
