thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
