Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
