you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
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