Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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