dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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