Need sex. Gaining weight.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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