my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
