i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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