They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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