hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
