it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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