I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's shark week go big or go home
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
