i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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