You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I understand Curling. That high.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
