He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
are you so shy because you have an std?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
