very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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