I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
