I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
