I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
