thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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