You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
