I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
