Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
