First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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