She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
