Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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