remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
