She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
