you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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