You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
