Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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