Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Can you repeat that, but with context?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
