I wish my penis had an off switch
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
why do cheetos always look like penises
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
