my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
