I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
